Motormouth: Santa Claus should retire his reindeer and get horsepower instead

If Father Christmas ever decides to upgrade his ride, it will be goodbye deer and hello horses.

Whatever his transport, Santa Claus is coming to town. So you better watch out, you better not cry and you better not pout. Because he’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. 

Like a Scandinavian stalker, he sees you when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake. Even more worryingly, he knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake.

But don’t worry if you’ve been a bad motorist who cheats a bit when parking the car or manoeuvring through traffic, uses your smartphone in a stupid manner behind the wheel, and tends to exceed the signposted speed limit by at least 10km/h. 

Because Santa’s sleigh works better in cold places, you’re probably safe from Santa’s Christmas hit list.

The jovial old man cannot venture far from winter conditions, since he doesn’t work well in a tropical climate, just like his reindeer-driven “snowmobile”.  

Therefore, Santa should rethink his mode of transport in Asia. He would be spoilt for choice as he checks out the sporty cars on the Motorist platform.

However, inspired by the countless letters he received from hopeful boys around the world asking for Ferrari toy cars as Christmas presents, Santa might be driven to distraction by Italian supercars.

He would feast his eyes on the amazing stable of Prancing Horses, resplendent in their power, glory and money. Then his eyes would pop when he sees the prices, which start really high with the “entry-level” Roma and climb speedily up the moola charts with the Roma Spider, 296 GTB/GTS and Purosangue. 

Practical Santa probably prefers the four-door, four-seat Purosangue, until he realises it costs over PHP 48 million before options and he would have to wait for two more Christmases to pass before taking delivery of his first Ferrari. 

Sensible Santa won’t sign on the dotted line, because this huge sum of money could expand his elf workforce from a hundred to a thousand, install saunas for visitors at the North Pole and still have enough dough left over for a decent set of wheels to replace his reindeer.

Something like a Hyundai Santa Fe would work for Santa Claus. He could choose arctic winter white for the exterior and polar night black for the interior. 
Whatever the vehicle Santa Claus chooses to replace his reindeer, it should be red and white.